What could have been

I feel a bit like Polo The Consequences has taken over my blog writing concentration in the last few weeks, and this is because I didn't think much interesting has happened... But this is not true, many things have happened not only to me but also to Arsenal!  I entered this transfer window with the knowledge that Arsene had already strengthened the squad with a few interesting characters, but without much hope that we would keep any of our main players.  Well that turned out to be true.  And I am reminded of this on a regular basis at work and by all my other Man U mates.

This post is about what could have been.  If Arsene had not sold and had brought the players I hoped he would buy over the last 10 years.

Van Persie        Podolski       

Nasri        Fabregas        Toure (Y)        Walcott

Cole        Vermaelen        Toure (K)        Sagna

Szczęsny

Subs: Reina, Clichy, Oxlade-Chamberlain, Song, Wilshire, Cazorla, Giroud

The only player I wanted was Yaya.  The rest are all ex-Arsenal.  I know the defense could be better, but it's still pretty strong, and when you have a midfield and attack of such amazingness they could cut open most teams better than Barca.  Well maybe anyway.  It is such a fuck-up that Wenger could not have got them all playing together, I'm sure if he had combined them all at the same time it would not be 7 years since our last trophey.

Vodafone

So apparently if you don't do much exercise and eat a lot of food, you put on weight.  For the last 4 years I have spent almost 7 hours a day sat at my desk not moving very much and eating loads of food.  When I first started working I was going training 4 or 5 times a week, polo, football and climbing fairly regularly.  I think I was also traveling around Cardiff more on my bike and I was maintaining my weight between 12 and a half to 13 stone. 

I am still playing polo and football, and occassionally climbing, but it came as no shock when I weighed myself and I was over 14 stone.  I had noticed in the last few months that I was getting tired more quickly at football, but assumed it was because I hadn't eaten properly during the day or something.  And due to Helen moving in with me the scales had been hidden away (apparently women like to live in denial more than men).

This led to a drastic, unusual, and somewhat crazy idea... go on a diet.

The idea of the diet was simple, not to catch GDS (General Dynamics Syndrome).  This is a certified medical condition where if you work at GD, you get fat.  There are some people imune to this affliction, and it affects some more than others, but it is real, and it is a ticking timebomb.  My diagnosis was in, early signs of GDS.  Untreated, there are walking, talking future versions of myself in every corner of my building, all taunting me with what I will become.

The other factor in this diet is the competition with Rob.  His aim to get ripped, and he has 9 month program to get a 6-pack.  I also want a 6-pack, but I mainly want to be fitter and better at sport. 

Today it has been 5 weeks and 1 day since we started the diet, and I've lost 1 stone and 3 pounds, and now weigh 12 stone 12.  Not bad.

Anyway, today I received my new Vodafone sim card in the post, after being with O2 for the last 12 years.  I felt kind of bad, but ahh well, now I can 3G while I poop!

Dashed Hopes

Tonight I went out for dinner with my girlfriend and her friend.  The evening was very pleasant and the food was very tasty, and especially good as we used the Tastecard and got it all for £30, although it was bad for my diet as they were both a bit pathetic with their food. 

When we got home we watched Spartacus and saw a nude girl smash another nude girls head in, and inspired by this we googled ourselves nude.  There was a man sucking another man off when we searched for me, and loads of other interesting images, I thought it was nice.  Then my girlfriend asked her friend to kiss me!  She said no.  I was sad, not only because she said no, but because it was all a mean trick and it was never going to happen.  It's only 11.26 now though and I don't know what's going to happen next.... most likely sleep.

The day the earth stood still

Today I am sick.  It has been exactly a year since I was last off sick.  Last year I think I had more of an excuse, dislocated shoulder and all that...  In fact it was almost exactly a year ago on the 8th July 2011 that I posted my first blog (while off sick) and in that time I have literally tripled my followers.  Hopefully in the next year I can triple my followers again!  Maybe I need some tactics to go about doing this like advertising amazon stuff and posting my blog on Facebook and shit.

Anyway, nostalgia is not the reason for this post, although it helped with the introduction... It is to describe in comical detail some of the events that have happened in 2012.  This is in chronological order, and each item should have had it's own blog post at the time... Bad blogger.

No. 1 highlight
Thierry Henry back at Arsenal, he won the game against Leeds...  Sorry Moylesy!  But he had a ridiculous beard and shaved head.  I was happy that he got to see his own statue and that he didn't let it go to his head...

No. 2 highlight
Homemade Sushi.  Look at this shit.  It's better than Japan.

No. 3 highlight
Skiing!

Skiing is awesome.  Rob, you should definitely come with us next time.

We also learned a valuable lesson on this trip.  Dave's words in my voice make women do what ever we want.  Especially if one is Norwegian and the other is Swedish.  Girlfriends may become emotional though.  You also get the chance to do some sweet goggles photos.

You've got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, and know when to run!

No. 4 highlight
Budapest stag do!

The first weekend of February I went on my first stag do.  It was for my little friend Ryan, aka the Mauritian with attitude.  I’ve never called him that, nor have I ever wanted to, but I was reading the Brown Shirt Kru blog for some reason and I’ve given him that nickname.  

While we were there, we did a banger rally.  I use rally in the loosest possible sense of the word, it was a drive in a shit car from the city to a restaurant, where I couldn't eat anything due to hangover and my inability to eat food while on holiday.  The highlight of the drive was Tesh having to pay £30 for writing off a car!  The photo doesn't do it justice, but 2m further down the road was a shrine to someone who had previously crashed and died there... and the back axel had snapped.

I know we signed up to a banger rally, but this was ridiculous, we were driving on the road, in the snow, in cars that didn't have breaks and we were just given the keys, nothing was checked or anything!

We also got drunk, watched girls take off their clothes, met the announcer from From Dusk Till Dawn, got offered some Chernobyl tits, had some feuds and truces, and made some snow angels.  I also enjoyed waiting outside McDonald's for it to open at 6am. 

Anyway, I’ve worked it out and his wedding is going to cost me over £600!  When I got back from the trip, I watched Arsenal lose 4-0 to AC Milan, and they looked worse than the GD squad.  Evening ruined.  


No. 5 highlight
Cardiff, the celeb hangout!

 No. 6 highlight
 Beef Wellington.  Look at that mother fucker.  It looks like a hat.

Balsamic bacon and red cabbage on the side too.  Yum.

No. 7 highlight

Scott Mills’ last ever show - he did the best only bloody Friday ever.  I was upset that I may never be able to hear him again, except every Friday when I finish work early and he is still on.

Today, RVP let us know he wouldn't be signing a new contract :( The day the earth stood still (was on TV)
 

You think this is the real Quaid??? It is.

So, as I start typing my first post in 6 months I have many things to post about! A lot of stuff has happened in my life, and in the football calendar... Arsenal pipped Spurs to 3rd in the league, I rolled some Sushi and I bought a house!  But I think I'll start off with a simple post about Euro 2012!

As for today though, I'm watching Italy defeat Germany in the Euro 2012 semi final. Mario Balotelli has scored twice to win the game, and in my in depth analysis of the game, utilising my years of footballing experience, my only thought on the match is who I hate more out of Mario Balotelli and Cristiano Ronaldo.

As I weigh up their pros and cons as humans I need to consider ability, entertainment and face.

Face.
I hate both their faces, Balotelli looks like the Nigerian warlord in District 9 who loves to brandish his AK-47 and Ronaldo has the constantly upturned lip that makes my very body shudder (not like the way Rob's momma makes me shudder) with hate.

Ability.
 When I think about ability, there is no doubt that Ronaldo is a great player, basically single-handedly getting Portugal through to the semi-final, but he dives like a mincer getting thrown out of an Elton John party, whereas Balotelli is a child. If he's getting things his way then he's good and can win a game, but if he's having a strop then he's more likely to lose it for you.

Entertainment.
I don't think there is anything more pleasing than seeing Ronaldo after he's lost a game, whereas again... Balotelli is a child... with millions of $$$, who like to pay to entertain me.

Based on Face, Ability and Entertainment, there are no winners in the competition of who I hate more, as I truly do hate them both! But I still hate Ronaldo more.

 Just as the footy finishes, ITV2 delivers the goods with Total Recall! Arnie at his magnificent best.

Who wants to be a millionaire?

Making a list of my favourite meals that I’ve cooked this year is a hard task, mainly because they are eaten without thought and I don’t take photos of them. Making a blog about them is easy as it’s only these ones I’ve bothered to photo!

Before I get to the good stuff, I need to mention the worst meal of the year... and the award goes to:

Grilled swordfish
What! Grilled Swordfish? I hear you say, but yes it was terrible. There was so much potential and it was all ruined by inept cooking and no forward thinking… and it was inspired by a General Dynamics Mediterranean Cod which is never a good start. I don’t really want to talk about it too much so all I’ll say is that the potato wedges came from the freezer :(. Critics gave it 4/10, which I thought was generous.

There weren’t many bad meals, so quickly on to the top 3 meals of the year.

3. Sogliola in tre modi (Roasted sole three ways)
Although not technically this year, this was my first photographed meal, and it deserves to go on this list as it was awesome and it was for valentines. Cheers Jamie! Critics gave it “9 if not 10 out of 10”. While I’m being truthful… I didn’t actually cook this 3 ways. I only cooked it one way, the awesome way. Sometimes I regret this dish as it sealed the deal with Helen, but I should have expected this at the time!

2. Bacon and poached egg on a muffin in a pea puree
I don’t know where the inspiration for this dish came from, I thought I had seen something in a cookbook that Helen had, but since then I cannot find it so maybe I dreamt it. Seriously though, the minty peas were amazing with the bacon. Critics gave it 8/10. Since this dish I have started sugaring the bacon to make candy bacon (thank you epic meal time!) and this has made this even more spectacular!

1. Cider sausages on a black pudding mash
If I owned a restaurant or had to go on a cooking competition show on TV (sadly Cardiff has already been on come dine with me) then this would be my signature dish! Although I think I would have to give some money to Savanna dry as they deserve some credit for the cider I used. The only thing that I could have done more for this dish would have been to make the sausages myself, but they probably wouldn’t have been as good as the ones from Tesco with the bits of apple in them, which helped with the apple theme of the dish, and I could have possibly made it look a bit more appetising! 9/10 from the critics but a 10/10 user rating.

Anyway, while I was writing this, some dappy women (whoes name was actually Dot) just won £77,500 on the call in game on who wants to be a millionaire

I don't wanna die!

3 months of a strange Arsenal year and we're 5th. Almost suicidal at the start of the season and now our one man show is keeping us in contention for Europe next year, which is the only thing we have to sing about this year! He’s also the only reason I’ve enjoyed a week at the top of my fantasy football table, although after today I’m fairly sure I will be relegated to the depths of mid-table mediocrity. Next year I’m going to make a team of ex-Arsenal players and see how it gets on against my proper team! The main thing is that on Match of the Day when they were introducing Alan Hansen and Lee Dixon, Alan won the most league titles competition.

Anyway since Halloween the main thing we’ve been playing is house of the dead, with agent G of the AMS.